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My Faith Crisis & My Why

You Are Amazing! Soar My Dear.

 

Post Mormon. Exmormon. Ex religious. Life After Religion. Faith Crisis. Yes? I get it.

When I was hit upside the head with own personal faith crisis, I felt so alone.

I didn't know who I could talk to about my doubts. I was scared.

I started with my bishop and he told me that the doubts I was having were from satan. I left his office feeling even more boggled than when I walked in.

Satan? Really? Ugg. 

Yeah, this was not going to end well.

At this point, it was probably 2003/4 and I hadn't even started my deep dive into mormon history at this point, I just had "doubts."

2006 is when I jumped off the high dive, ALL IN.

There was no CES Letter at the time. I just started reading everything and anything I could get my hands on. I was on a mission to learn all I could about the church. I mean, it was true and so nothing that I read could really prove otherwise.

LOLOLOLOL (insert the BIGGEST eye roll here)

Yeah, you know what I mean.

I remember feeling more alone than I ever had before. I felt like an alien in my own home, my church, family, extended family, and with my friends.

I felt like people dismissed me, brushed off my thoughts and feelings and didn't take me as seriously. I felt marginalized when I did bring up what I was discovering and I would be told to pray harder, obey more, just have faith, and all these questions would be answered in the next life. yada yada yada.

No, that was NOT going to cut it.

I wanted to be taken seriously. I was being serious and my questions could not be answered.

No, I didn't want to go sin and drink and have sex and be wild. I was perfecting fine keeping all the commandments, covenants, life choices I made, all that I had been taught, if it was true. I was on a truth hunting mission. I wanted to know if the church was true. I was way beyond needing to read my scriptures more, pray more, have more faith. I had done that for 36 years.

Does this all sound familiar?

The whole reason I do what I do is that you know you are not alone.

I have walked this road, I felt all the pain. I know it is real and I will never marginalize you, make you feel crazy or dismiss anything you are feeling as you walk this path.

You are opening a door to the unknown and walking through it EVEN THO you are scared as hell.

You are not alone.

You are not crazy.

You ARE smart.

You ARE brave.

You ARE beyond amazing.

I am thankful our paths have crossed. When we meet, I know that we understand each other. 

I love when you ask if I am Soul Searching Girl (a reference to my early youtube videos.) We immediately understand each other. Our connection is real. We "get" each other.

I know you straight away and I love you.

Stand tall my dear. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are following your own intuition. You are trusting yourself. You are one of the bravest people I know.

Thank you for showing up in my life.

Together, we got this.

I can't wait to walk this journey with you. Guide you for a few steps along the way.

I am always here.

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Your Future Self & Your Faith Crisis

Your Future Self & Your Faith Crisis

 

You have been at this faith crisis thing for awhile now. You have learned so many things, about yourself, about the church and religion at large.

You have wept many tears.

You have changed your world view.

You have gained a new beautiful inner strength. (even if you don't feel it all the time)

You have leaned into your new voice.

You are becoming your most authentic self.

It is suddenly a year from today, November 10th, 2019.

What would you say to to your future self? 

What advice would you give her? What would you say to the you of today?

What would a person who has already figured how to navigate this path you are on right now, tell you to do? 

Write it down. Talk to yourself in real time. What would you tell her?

Now, really, do this. Not in your head. Open up your journal, or a new blank file on your computer and write it all out. Get it out so you can see it. 

Then, tell me about it. What came up for you? I would love to hear it.

Amy

amyloganlife@gmail.com

 

Continued ~ Would You Change It? Your Faith Crisis?

Red Pill Blue Pill Faith Crisis

Yesterday I asked you a couple questions.

Is Ignorance bliss? Would you change your religious/spiritual faith crisis, awakening?

I imagine this stirs up a lot for you? So many emotions, thoughts and feelings have come up for you over the course of your paradigm shift.

What is your gut response? Yes. No. It is different for many.

Life has change, yes? We know this for sure.

I want you to really think about this. Would you change your paradigm shift? Meaning, would you go back to before?

I think of it like one of those visual images from the 90s. remember those? You would stare at the image and let your eyes focus until you could see the image within the image. For the most part, once you saw it, you could always see it. Hard to unsee it, right?

Learning what you have about the truthiness of the church, is hard to unsee.

Would go back if you could? Back to the ignorance is bliss question. Back to living your life oblivious to the actual truthfulness of the church.

Red pill, blue pill. {{{If you have not seen The Matrix, stop and watch. I will wait.}}}

I know this is all hypothetical. We can't go back. But what I want you to think about is, you get to decide how to look at what you have been through. Yes, there are stages to this process, but eventually, you get to decide how to be a person who has walked through this door of a faith transition.

How do you show up in the world now, with all that you do know? I bet you are more skeptical? More questioning, of just about everything? I know I am.

Do you let this be a part of you that gives you more perspective to life? Do you harbor resentment for the rest of your life? Can you possibly see the beauty in this process? Seeing the beauty may take a while for you to get to, but even that is possible.

I want you to write down all your thoughts about the church. The good. The bad. The ugly. Let it all flow out of you. Get it down on paper. Look at it. Feel it. Can you separate the thoughts from facts? See the thoughts you have created around the story of what a faith crisis is for you? Vs. What is true.

What do you make it all mean? Is ignorance really bliss? Having your eyes opened to reality, may be jarring at first, but would you want it any other way? 

Again, would you change this experience? If not, how do you choose to look at it?

You got this. 

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Is Ignorance Bliss?

Is Ignorance Bliss

By whatever means, you have arrived at your own, personal, custom created, faith crisis.

Boom. Explosions all around.

It is here. It is real. You can't deny it.

You know what you know now about the mormon church or the faith you were raised in. 

Would you change it? Would you go back to the time when you didn't see the emperor's new clothes?

More soon,

Amy

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Post Mormon Life & Filling the Void

Mormonism is a very high demand religion and after you leave the faith, you end up with a lot of time on your hands.

Yay!!!

But, it may feel kind of strange at first. You have been used to the mormon lifestyle which involves lots and lots of time circling around church life. That may have served you for a time, but now, not so much.

My best advice just enjoy it. You get to now, figure out the new you, without the church as your guide.

Be your own guide. Embrace that part of it.

This can be scary for some and exciting for others. How do you fall in those two camps? Excited and scared maybe?

Either way, it is your new reality. Jump in, arms wide open.

Here is to your new life and all the possibilities.

Amy 

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Your Awakening & Puzzle

Puzzle, the movie & Faith Crisis

I have homework for you. Go see Puzzle.

{{{Yes, once a teacher, always a teacher.}}} 

If you have gone through a faith crisis, going through one now or even a bit of a life crisis, please go see the movie Puzzle, with Kelly MacDonald, Iffran Khan, David Denman

You will relate to the main character, Agnes. She has spent her entire life caring for others and living a very quiet life. I think she would even say, very sheltered, bubble like.

She experiences a beautiful awakening, very similar to a faith crisis, transition.

I want you to see this movie through the lens of your experiences.

You will relate to all the feelings Agnes goes through as she realizes there is more to her, her life, and this great big beautiful world.

There is so much more I could say about this movie but I want you to draw your own conclusions. I don't even like to read reviews before I see a movie that I am interested in. I love forming my own opinions before I am influenced by others.

I want you to see her thought process. You will see her experience a range of emotions and feelings that will bust you right open. Watch her thought process with curiosity. 

I know what you have gone through with your own faith crisis, how tender your heart is and therefore you will completely want to talk with Agnes. 

You will not hear my saying this often, because I do not make a practice of telling others what to do, but take my advice, go see this movie. I know it will speak to your soul in a beautiful way.

Much love my dear,

Amy

amyloganlife@gmail.com

Can You Let Yourself Be A Beginner?

Faith Crisis Beginner

Let's talk about being a beginner and your faith crisis.

No matter the faith: Mormon, Evangelical, Jehovah's Witness, Seventh-Day Adventist and on and on and on. It feels the same. Heartache first. Freedom second. (or tenth?)

I want you to think for a moment about when you were younger and you got your first job, had your first broken heart, started college, got married, became a parent for the first time. All beginnings, yeah? Firsts.

Your faith crisis is no different.

You are in uncharted territory.

Everything is new.

Everything feels scary.

Everything has changed.

You are in the beginning steps of a faith crisis. This is like walking into a foreign country and you know no one and you do not speak the language and you feel scared. Eventually you will figure it out, but until then, yikes. 

Let yourself be a beginner. There is really no way to not be beginner right now, right?

You will need to feel all the emotions that come with this process.

Know that you will not always be a beginner in this particular arena. It may be hard to imagine, but it is true.

When you see people taking about the different stages of a faith crisis, ( I will post more about this later )  just know more is coming and you do not have to have it all figured out right now. You will experience your faith crisis in perfect time.

Don't try to rush it. Let it unfold as it needs to.

All you have to do right now is be in it. You do not have to have the answers. You will come to your own conclusion in your own time.

There is a lot to learn in this phase of your faith crisis. There are no short cuts.

I look at those of us in this position as pioneers. We are paving the way for those coming up behind us and there will be many.

You are one of the brave souls doing the unexpected work of a faith crisis. There is no one way to get through it. Just keep swimming.

You got this.

Amy

I can help you through it when you are ready. Only you know that. It may even be before you are ready or after you have been at this for awhile.

Either way, I am here, to guide you through this journey. Questions?amyloganlife@gmail.com

Curiosity and Your Faith Crisis

 

To realize your true nature, you must wait for the right moment and the right conditions. When the time comes, you are awakened as if from a dream. You understand that what you have found is your own and doesn't come from anywhere outside. ~Buddhist Sutra

The right moment and the right conditions have aligned.

How do we know this?

Because you are staring your faith crisis square in the eyes. It is real and it is happening. Breath.

When I was in the early stages of my faith crisis ~ awakening, I remember asking why, a lot.

My name on the forum New Order Mormon was Wondering Why. New Order Mormon felt like a very safe place for me because everyone had an avatar and a name, like mine, and it was annoymous. I was so scared that people would find out I was asking questions and studying "anti mormon literature" that the NOM forum helped me feel not so scared. Back in 2006 I was talking with many of the well known post mormons, as some of them were using their real names. {{scary}} ;)

My point is that when this happens to you, you feel like you have just woken up from a dream, like the above quote mentions. It really does feel like that. Then, you have a million thoughts running through your head that try and make you feel guilt or shame about just wanting to find the truth. Those are two feelings that never help, ever never.

When you can sit with your new discoveries and realize that this is all happening in perfect time for you and you give yourself permission to follow your own path upon this journey, shift your thinking from thoughts about confusion, guilt, fear to thoughts of curiosity, this whole process will go so much better for you.

It is all in your head anyway, you get to choose the thoughts that will for sure come along for the ride.

Be curious. Stay in that frame of mind. 

What does curiosity feel like?

Easier. Not as heavy. Not a burden.

Ahhhh, doesn't that feel better.

Follow the curiosity and see where it goes.

Amy

This WILL Happen During Your Faith Crisis. Good New & Bad News, maybe?

Faith Crisis Confusion

This will FOR SURE happen during/after your faith crisis. The quicker you can accept this, the smoother things will go for you.

The only tricky part, it is tricky. It does not have to be tho.

You will be confused. (but you know that already)

People will judge. Friends and family will be sad/mad. People will be passive aggressive towards you. People will pull away from you. Friends and family will be confused and not know what to do. 

Bad news, some of your fears will most likely happen.

Good news, some fears will not happen.

Now that you know. You can move forward anyway.

Say what??? Sounds easier said than done?

BUT, you will be okay and guess what?

You will have judgments of others too. You will pull away from some friends. You will be passive aggressive. You will be sad. You will be mad. You will be confused. You will not know what to do.

This all takes time, but time, you have. 

We often stick in the muck longer than we need to because we are fighting against what is (reality) and how we want it to be.

The suffering is in the in between.

Suffering is optional my dear. {{{yes, it is}}}

More soon,

Amy

What are you focused on? ~ Faith Crisis Life Coach

 

 

Okay my dear....

What do you have your eyes on? Seriously, what are you looking at?

Remember the last time you had a crush on someone, graduated from HS or college, landed your first job, gave birth to your baby, planned a fun vacation? Pick something. Something in your life when you felt all those fun feelings.

Did you know you can capture those thoughts and feelings everyday?

It always comes down to what you are thinking about.

Have you ever seen someone who walks around like they hold the secret to the universe? I have and I have even felt what that feels like too. (A story for another day.) That feeling can be fleeting, but it is possible to capture the flow of those thoughts and live your life from them.

When I start to doubt the feeling that I hold the secret of the universe in my hands, I sit back and go to the place, in my mind that gave me those thoughts and feelings. Then I hold on tight and work and life from that place.

It feels so much better to live life through that lens then the opposite lens that makes me feel sad and depressed.

You can do this too. Really, you can.

What lights you up? Follow that. Do it now. Life is way too shore to sit around waiting for someday.

You, my dear, are worth it.

~Amy