Post Mormon. Exmormon. Ex religious. Life After Religion. Faith Crisis. Yes? I get it.
When I was hit upside the head with own personal faith crisis, I felt so alone.
I didn't know who I could talk to about my doubts. I was scared.
I started with my bishop and he told me that the doubts I was having were from satan. I left his office feeling even more boggled than when I walked in.
Satan? Really? Ugg.
Yeah, this was not going to end well.
At this point, it was probably 2003/4 and I hadn't even started my deep dive into mormon history at this point, I just had "doubts."
2006 is when I jumped off the high dive, ALL IN.
There was no CES Letter at the time. I just started reading everything and anything I could get my hands on. I was on a mission to learn all I could about the church. I mean, it was true and so nothing that I read could really prove otherwise.
LOLOLOLOL (insert the BIGGEST eye roll here)
Yeah, you know what I mean.
I remember feeling more alone than I ever had before. I felt like an alien in my own home, my church, family, extended family, and with my friends.
I felt like people dismissed me, brushed off my thoughts and feelings and didn't take me as seriously. I felt marginalized when I did bring up what I was discovering and I would be told to pray harder, obey more, just have faith, and all these questions would be answered in the next life. yada yada yada.
No, that was NOT going to cut it.
I wanted to be taken seriously. I was being serious and my questions could not be answered.
No, I didn't want to go sin and drink and have sex and be wild. I was perfecting fine keeping all the commandments, covenants, life choices I made, all that I had been taught, if it was true. I was on a truth hunting mission. I wanted to know if the church was true. I was way beyond needing to read my scriptures more, pray more, have more faith. I had done that for 36 years.
Does this all sound familiar?
The whole reason I do what I do is that you know you are not alone.
I have walked this road, I felt all the pain. I know it is real and I will never marginalize you, make you feel crazy or dismiss anything you are feeling as you walk this path.
You are opening a door to the unknown and walking through it EVEN THO you are scared as hell.
You are not alone.
You are not crazy.
You ARE smart.
You ARE brave.
You ARE beyond amazing.
I am thankful our paths have crossed. When we meet, I know that we understand each other.
I love when you ask if I am Soul Searching Girl (a reference to my early youtube videos.) We immediately understand each other. Our connection is real. We "get" each other.
I know you straight away and I love you.
Stand tall my dear. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are following your own intuition. You are trusting yourself. You are one of the bravest people I know.
Thank you for showing up in my life.
Together, we got this.
I can't wait to walk this journey with you. Guide you for a few steps along the way.
I am always here.